It's Official, If It Has a Hatch it Must Be a Crossover

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
11/14/2016 at 10:35 • Filed to: *sigh*

Plastic wheelhouse, 10mm lift and now we have the all new Chevy Spark ACTIV. You don’t hear quaking because this goose is cooked, people! Cheese and crisps this market has gone crackers. Ugh...yeah I like it!

DISCUSSION (29)

CalzoneGolem > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 10:39

This makes it look more like a Soul.

duurtlang > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 10:39

Seeing this I remember why I’m glad they discontinued Chevrolet as a volume brand in my market.

Textured Soy Protein > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 10:43

Also on the Chevy front, you have this stupid commercial for the Cruze hatchback:

Let’s only show them the front of the car! Look how much they like it before they know it’s a hatchback! Oh and one of them said it looks like a mini SUV, we have to use that line. Now let’s get back to focusing on that girl’s red pants.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 10:46

It’s spelled “quacking”, geese don’t quack

fhrblig > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 10:49

I only dislike it because its pretending to be a crossover. Now if you were to bump it about 20-30 hp and make AWD available, all while not adding too much weight, I think you’d have something interesting. But then it would cause too much overlap with the Trax.

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein
11/14/2016 at 10:58

This commercial was confusing to me as I was certain the Cruze hatch existed in the global market for awhile.

Mercedes Streeter > Textured Soy Protein
11/14/2016 at 10:58

“Real people, not actors.”

Yeah, but the car and the set is clearly CGI in most shots, so don’t bullshit me GM. It’s especially bad in their “aluminum is bad” truck commercials.

Textured Soy Protein > CalzoneGolem
11/14/2016 at 11:06

In Trumpmurrica, we don’t know about things that exist outside our borders.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 11:07

The Spark with a lift? That sounds extremely dangerous. The regular Spark is already WAYYYYY too tall. A light breeze is going to roll this thing over like a Reliant Robin trying to make any sort of steering maneuvers.

cletus44 aka Clayton Seams > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 11:11

Oh my god this is the Rebecca Black - Friday of cars.

Autofixation > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 11:11

So a Crosstrek is now a Crossover?

Autofixation > fhrblig
11/14/2016 at 11:13

Lifted hatch, not crossover, let’s not get carried away.

Xazzaphonic (previously known as Vicarious-Chair) > fhrblig
11/14/2016 at 11:13

The trax and encore are both based on the same architecture of the spark, already.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Textured Soy Protein
11/14/2016 at 11:22

This commercial, like most recent GM commercials, is stupid. However I support anything that encourages American buyers to buy more hatchbacks. Not if only the rear glass could be closer to straight up and down.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 11:22

But isn’t the Trax also a Spark Crossover?

Scary__goongala! > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 11:30

I’m sick of crossovers. I don’t remember any of the ones I’ve driven to be particularly nice.

Scary__goongala! > Mercedes Streeter
11/14/2016 at 11:31

Oh god I can’t deal with the aluminum truck commercial. They’re actively marketing at peoples’ ignorance of the automotive world.

bhtooefr > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
11/14/2016 at 11:38

Trax is a LWB (2555 mm, versus 2525) Sonic crossover.

This is a size smaller, at 2385 mm.

404 - User No Longer Available > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 11:49

Please, save the hatches...

Kinja'd!!!

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 12:02

I swear one morning we’re going to wake up and they’ll have put a slight lift and plastic arches on a Maybach S600.

cletus44 aka Clayton Seams > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 12:03

This is lazier than phoning it in. This is texting it in.

AMC/Renauledge > Wobbles the Mind
11/14/2016 at 12:05

I kinda like it. It gives the Spark a bit more character. It’s also inexpensive, well equipped, efficient, and it comes with 3 pedals.

Mercedes Streeter > Scary__goongala!
11/14/2016 at 12:44

Even worse is that the next gen Silverado is going to have aluminum.

But the king of the trash heap is the “you need a truck” commercial, which basically says “you’re not a real man and women won’t sleep with you unless you drive a truck”.

Which fuck...GM man, fuck...